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You're not stuck in the life you're living

You’re not stuck in the life you’re living

Hey there! It’s Stephanie Lillian and I’m back with another How-to for you. This week I’m going to be talking all about why you’re not actually trapped in the life that you are living and how you can begin to shift towards the life you truly want to live.

There I was sitting at my cubicle. 3 gray walls surrounded me in my empty space. I had a computer, calendar and some papers. That was about it. I purposefully didn’t decorate my desk because it’d make the move out that much easier.

I was at that job for over 2.5 years before I actually mustered up enough confidence to take the leap.

For months on end I dragged myself into that dreary office. I knew from day one that job just wasn’t for me.

But that was the life that I landed myself in. There was no turning back. There were people that I felt I owed it to. Education that I owed it to. I had to make this job work for the sake of the expectations weighing on my shoulders. This was my life. There was no turning back. No re-writing my story. Just the grim outlook of working up the corporate ladder until retirement.


Quick preface: There’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. It just wasn’t for me. It didn’t speak to my soul.


And from my vantage point there were no other options. My whole existence led me to this job. All I ever knew was school. Educate yourself so you can get a good job after college. But after nearly 18 years of schooling what happens when you’re finally in that “good job.” What’s left to do? You achieved the ultimate goal. Now what???


I sat there wondering what it was all about. Why I couldn’t be happy where I was? Everyone else seemed so content with coming into that exact same office every single day. Why did I have to be different? Why did I want more? What was wrong with me? It would’ve been A LOT easier if I could just be complacent.

I discovered a quote during my time there that changed a lot for me.


The gist was something like this. Take a moment and stop. Look all around you. Everything you see, everything in your life is the result of what you’ve allowed for yourself. The job you have, the relationship you’re in, the education you’ve received. EVERYTHING is a result of what you thought was possible for yourself and what you’ve allowed in your life.


At the end of the day you can sit there and blame everyone else for where you are in life. All of the unfair advantages other people have had over you, how you’re scarred by your parents or siblings or how you just always get the short end of the stick or you can say, hey, you know what? I’ve done this all to me.

Everything in my life right now is a reflection of the thousands and millions of little decisions that I’ve made throughout my life and if I want to change the trajectory of my future I need to start altering the way I’m making my decisions because if I keep making decisions the way I am today then nothing is going to change but if I begin to see opportunity, to see how things are working in my favor, to realize that the joy of life comes from creating and having an opportunity to make a decision then the magic begins to occur.


When I’m at the intersection of what I don’t like and what I know I want then creation is happening. I’m defining the future. I can either stay focused on what I have and what I don’t want or I can begin to shift to focusing on what I want instead and begin to settle into the gratitude, the pleasure, the excitement of being able to create the life I want.


I began to look around my cubicle as this realization dawned on me. Exactly where I am today is what I thought I was capable of… it’s what I’ve allowed for myself. I applied to this job, I accepted the offer, I moved here all by myself for this experience. Yes there were people, places, circumstances that influenced my decisions but at the end of the day – I DECIDED TO LIFE THIS LIFE.


I decided that this was my next step. I decided that this was the job for me. I decided to study molecular biology. I decided to apply to Duke. And I believed it was all possible. I got myself right here.


The power in such a realization is that I also can decide if I want to continue on with the way I’m living.


Let the floodgates of fear open!!!


You can’t leave your job, you have bills to pay, you can’t change your career, you’ve been in it too long, you can’t, you can’t, you can’t!


The prison of the mind is the deadliest.


I was listening to a speaker once and he asked the audience where the richest place in the world was… the answer? The cemetery because there lies unsung songs, there lies dreams that could’ve been but never existed. There lie the lives that were crushed by fear. It’s not the known that’ll save your life; it’s overcoming the fear of what lies behind the door that leads to the path less travelled.


You see it's not what could potentially happen to you that’s actually holding you back from leaving the life you’re living. It’s the thoughts in that head of yours. The thoughts that you’ve been conditioned to think from the moment you were born. It’s the thoughts and beliefs that were passed down to you from your parents, teachers and those closest to you.


It’s the prison of your mind that’ll keep you safe. But let me tell you – safety is where the fearful swim.


The mind likes to keep you safe but safety is nothing but an illusion. Unless there’s a lion trying to eat you and you’re in a steel cage he can’t get into then the illusion of safety is merely a figment of imagination.


It’s the what-ifs and the maybe laters that’ll keep you stuck. If you want to change your circumstance you must change how you think.


How do you do that?


By listening to your emotions. Your emotions are THE KEY to releasing you from the prison of the mind.


Take a moment and begin to repeat the mantra “I hate myself” to yourself. How does it feel to say?


Tune into your body, how is your body physically reacting to this thought?


I bet it doesn’t feel so good. To me it feels heavy and makes me just want to collapse.


Begin to repeat the mantra “I love myself” over and over again.


Are you smiling yet?


Doesn’t it just feel good to say I love myself!?


How does your body physically feel? Does it feel better or worse than thinking I hate myself?


My guess is that it feels a lot better.


Now begin to repeat the mantra “I’m trapped in my life. I don’t know what to do next.”


How does it make you feel?

When you repeat this mantra how does it make you view your life?

How does your body physically feel?

Now take a moment and shake it off. Physically shake your body and let out a sigh.

Begin to repeat the mantra “I’m free in my life. I always know what to do next.”


How do you feel? Do you feel any physical sensations in your body?

Does this feel better or worse than the previous mantra?


How would you approach your life if you could only think this mantra and nothing else? What would change for you?


Our emotions exist to guide us to our right lives. There’s no person, guru or self-help program that can tell you what is right for you… that can tell you the next step you should take.


What I’ve learned is that we each have our own North Star, if you will. We each have an inner guidance system guiding us to the lives, relationships, careers, etc. that we truly want.


The way to find this star is to let that cloudy sky fade away to a crisp, clear night. This is done by tuning into your emotions.


Your emotions are your sixth sense. Just like all of your other senses, they exist to help you connect with your life on another level & to physically guide you to what is best for your health. Ignore them and life will seem like an endless black hole. Embrace them and you’ll begin to notice the beauty that surrounds you through and through.


Your emotions are your guide to everything you want in life. Find the thoughts that make you feel good emotions and your life will begin to unfold seamlessly. Stay stuck on the thoughts that make you feel unpleasant emotions and you will stay stuck in the life you’re living.


Trust in your intuition. Life is meant to be joyful. You are never alone and are standing at the edge of pure creation itself. Trust in yourself and trust in the process. Be willing to let go and everything will come back to you in abundance.


Lots of love! Namaste.


Stephanie Lillian


You’re Not Stuck in the Life You’re Living